Men and Their Pride
When I was a kid, I always had to hand it to my dad. In the early morning of summer, he’d leave the house before the dew would settle and the sun would come up. It was rare if I saw him throughout the week, because he’d work from sun up till sundown or, before I woke up till long after I’d been to bed.
During the summer months, I’d work out in the cemetery my parents were caretakers of. In the winter, we’d shovel snow from our 400 yard driveway until it was time to go deer hunting and chop firewood. There wasn’t much time for play during those times, because my dad only earned about $150 a week landscaping and he was laid off from work in the winter.
Another Mountain to Climb
There always seemed to be a point of struggle when I was a kid, but I didn’t allow it to overshadow my dreams. Nowadays, folks always ask me how I managed to survive through cancer, or top out in the martial arts industry. They wonder how a recovering cancer patient could survive with an infant daughter and a sick wife, while hunting for food and heating the house from nature’s mountain.
It’s simple really, I never lost my ability to dream.
Just yesterday, after a week long struggle with car problems, my dad asked for a ride to work. He hadn’t called me for almost 7 days, because the last time he called I was sleeping and I forgot to turn my phone back on after turning it off during one of my coaching sessions.
He and my mother thought I was ignoring their call when, in reality, I’ve never ignored their calls or turn them down when they ask for help. I love them and the life they gave us when we were kids, but my parents are used to one of my other siblings taking advantage of their kindness.
Pride and a Broken Man
As I left my dad at his job I asked, “Do you need a ride home in the morning?”
He said, “Nah, there’s a guy at work who can give me a ride home and if he leaves early, I’ll just walk.”
It’s over 12 miles from where my dad works to where we all live up on the mountain. In order to get home walking, you have to travel an eight mile stretch of highway and then turn through the woods, up over the mountain to cover the shortest distance in the shortest amount of time. Last night the temperature dropped to 34 degrees F. I stayed up all night and waited for a call.
There was none.
3am Horror
The sound of a phone ringing at 3 am can make your blood curdle with fear. There’s never good news when someone calls so late and I had this image in my mind of my dad at the hospital from taking the wooded route home, after suffering from a severe blood clot in his leg these past months.
On the other line, it was my mother. My dad made it one and half miles down the highway walking before he decided to rest at a filling station. He asked my mother to call me to come pick him up.
As I was warming up the car, I thought to myself, “When people allow their pride and stubborn nature get in the way, I wonder if they realize that it is those you love the most you will hurt the most. If something would’ve happened to my dad on that late night walk home, being that last night is considered the busiest drinking night of the year… where would that leave my mother and little sister?
I asked him that question. He said he had no other choice.
I told him he simply had to be willing to let go, be grateful for what he does have and the health of his family… and be willing to allow others to offer a helping hand. You must be willing to accept in return for all of the good you’ve done in your life. Here were the words I said to my dad, before we experienced a 15 minute car ride of silence,
“Dad, you know that I would never say no when you need help, but I also have to think about my family. I watch as you and the rest of my family struggle and when I continuously offer help, you feel that you would be taking advantage of me if you accept. Meanwhile, if you’d just accept it when it is offered, instead of when it is “timely” for you… then you wouldn’t be taking advantage. You’d simply be allowing me to contribute to your life as you have mine.”
Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep
Usually, when I drop dad at home I’d stop in for a cup of coffee. This time, as he closed my car door I drove away to my home. I parked my car back in the woods, walked into my home and locked the door. There was my wife sitting on the bed nursing our son, Bobby.
My daughter was sleeping peacefully in her bed. She’s so excited to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on television today. She had a smile on her face as she dreamed.
I sat at my computer with my black lab, Duke, and my cat Elmo and drank down a nice hot cup of coffee. In that moment I was grateful. Yes, for my family and everything else. But, I was more grateful that this morning I may have contributed a thought, invoked inspiration or possibly changed my dad’s way of thinking… if only for a moment.
Today, no matter if you are in the United States, in Israel or the far reaches of Bulgaria; stop… be grateful and allow others to show you THEIR gratitude. Sometimes, allowing others to give could be the best gift YOU ever gave them.
Happy Thanksgiving to All
Bob Yeager
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